Rich set a fire and he burned down the house.

Hey, look, I ate reasonable things again today.

Thing one.

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And thing two.

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No dead end in sight.

I spent a lot of time cleaning today. I’m so drained from the week and still in a fair amount of pain. I just didn’t have the emotional energy to think about my feelings, nor endure the physical pain, seeing as how I popped ibuprofen more than once or twice today. Distraction was second best. And it’s good to fill my days with non-food related things. That’s essentially what I’m trying for anyway. My days *should* be about all the everything else. So, win win.

I even only mention it here in that “go me” sort of way because I’m practicing this til it feels second nature. Til I don’t even think to mention it.

Accountability.

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A softer answer to the questions that lie in your path.

I’m in a strange inbetween place right now. I still want the accountability, yet I don’t want to make it about food. I haven’t decided how exactly to honor both yet.

This evening marks a week since I made the decision to heal my body. What a difference a week makes…

It simultaneously feels brand new and old news. It’ll feel less like it’ll slip through my hands when it *is* old news. I like the idea of enough time passing that I can nostalgically look back on the old, unhealthy food relationship, but not quite be able to remember it all the way. The blurred memory of what used to be. I look forward to that kind of time passed.

Today, there’s accountability.

Meal 1

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Meal 2

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I’m pretty sure this post is only here to illustrate the quality difference between sunlight and artificial light. Good lord.

Anyway. Dinner was (luckily not just a crazy dull picture of) seared salmon and wasabi, and then lots of vegetables with the miracle rice. I think when all is said and done, I’ll have used that one package of rice for four meals. Decent.

I had a really nice day today. I’m not sure what caused it to be so nice, or if it was anything at all. But I feel content today.

When it gets cold outside.

Another rise and fall of the sun. Another day about healing my body.

Late breakfast.

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Fresh vegetables and fruit were so perfect today. Frozen are convenient, but now that I’m only eating a couple times a day, I’m finding that I’m much more selective. Also, that’s new sausage. Andouille chicken. Fuck, it was so good. Especially with those potatoes.

Dinner.

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Chicken thigh with vegetables and a sweet potato/potato mix. If it was available, I would have had fresh vegetables again. Tomorrow.

Lace up your boots.

Hello and welcome to another addition of “What did I eat?”

Brunch-ish.

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Breakfast was accompanied with sweet potatoes today, and some fruit. Fruit is the thing I usually munch on after I eat, so I’m just going to plan ahead and include it with my food.

Dinner-ish.

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Dinner included some avocado cubes and burgers with sauteed vegetables and hash browns. I also had a banana, not pictured. I eat a banana every day, usually after a meal.

Tomorrow I want some fresh vegetables. I like the crunch and miss the feel of not oiled food.

Today I felt the desire to eat more often, but without the hunger. That’s usually a boredom or stress thing. So I noted it and moved on to other things. I didn’t have to make the choice about food because I already made the choice to heal my body. Now everything falls in line behind that. Turmeric, water, meals, magnesium, sleep.

Retraining my body/mind takes perseverance, patience, and acceptance to keep the plan the plan. One foot in front of the other.

Requiem for a skyline.

I need more accountability right now than usual. There was a time that would have driven me crazy. Today I’m okay with it. Far more than I’ve ever been before. Which feels really nice in regard to progress.

So, lunch.

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I am incredibly fortunate that, for the most part, I’m happy to eat vegetables and protein and some fruit. I enjoy the taste of healthy food and I don’t find eating this way monotonous.

That being said, I’m also pretty good at falling away from it. I need my body to heal though, more than anything else right now. So I’m doing whatever it takes to give that to myself. Even if that means writing here this often.

All the pandemonium and all the madness.

I think I just need to suck it up and accept that in this moment of my life, I’m in a place of needing to vent. It’s not my intention to complain. And amidst the everything I remain ever grateful.

At the same time, fucking hell. It is hard right now. And every time I put myself out there, I feel like I’m met with clique-yness and exclusion.

And homelife is rough right now. I simultaneously feel like I’m on autopilot and trying soooo hard to keep everything even and progressing and accomplished.

I’m really proud of myself that I’ve kept so much clean since August. This is pretty unprecedented. But gosh it takes a lot of effort.

And then my husband, who is navigating a plethora of illnesses and injuries, seems to be sabotaging my evenings. He’s not meaning to. I don’t take it personally. It just adds an extra weight.

And I’m so tired.

Onward I want to go though. Today I successfully completed day two of my Whole30. I feel like I’m doing it alone. But if alone is how it is, I’ll accomplish it anyway.

For now, sleep.