On to the next.

I wanted food all day today. I don’t really know what that was about. It was a sort of boredom. In part with something insatiable. In part with some actual hunger. I dunno. It was strange.

I weighed myself this morning. Sunday. The scale was even more wonky than normal. I couldn’t get an accurate read on it. Eventually I just took the last set of reads.

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I bought a new scale today so I don’t have to deal with the aggravation again. For now I’m down two pounds, after a gain and then nothing for two weeks. And a week of 1600 calories or fewer.

That’s almost 12 pounds in just over a month. It’s nothing to laugh at. It’s good numbers technically. But even still there’s a sense of disappointment. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not giving up or veering from the path. But still. I feel feelings about it.

Foodwise today, I worked really hard to not backpedal my progress. Mentally, more than physically. I just want to stay aware, even when I can’t quite be present.

I went over in calories today. That’s okay. I ate when I wasn’t hungry. That’s okay. I made muffins I didn’t love. That’s okay too. Chris loved them. It wasn’t a great day. But it was a good day. Filled with some tough navigational moments. I’m good with that.

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1705 calories 23 fiber

It holds me down away from you.

I started the skeleton for this post like two hours ago. Uploaded pictures. Captions. Categories. Tags. And then I just didn’t feel like writing. My little one has been so amazingly asleep since 7:45pm, and that would have been great sleep for me. Hell, being asleep now would be great sleep for me. But instead, here I am awake.

I feel a heavy obligation to write something of substance tonight, yet substance eludes me.

I ate a lot of food today. Well, a lot of calories. My daughter asked me to show her again how to make 90 second bread. I was so excited to share with her. But then it became more and more obvious she was intending on making this for me. Eventually she came in with this chocolate covered almond 90 second bread. It was delicious, but not what I had intended on or expected for macros. But god, her sweet face. And I don’t even care.

Also, I weighed myself today. No change from last weekend.

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Same as last week, plus a dog.

I’ve had some nsv. More patience. Functioning better even on little sleep. My feet haven’t hurt as much, tho they still hurt.

This week I’m going to focus on more vegetables when I’m hungry. The fat does me good and then I don’t have to worry about spiking protein. Also, I need to nix chocolate chips. I finished the almond butter last week and can never get it again. No sense keeping triggering foods around the house.

Macros are decent. Just excessive.

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1865 calories 23 fiber

Alright. I’m passing out. Perhaps tomorrow will be the day I write substance.

Sunday again.

It’s a Sunday again. Another week complete. It’s late again and I’m tired.

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I gained a half pound. I could have told you before I weighed myself. I just feel….I dunno. Swollen. Maybe it was the “extra” calories. The fact that I’m eating more than the 1200 I would normally be eating. Maybe it’s the sweeter stuff or the flour stuff. Maybe it’s nothing. I can’t really say. Time will tell. I’m happy to just keep chugging along.

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1699 calories 11 fiber

My numbers look good. Fat was much higher today. Tonight I even had to have an extra bit of protein, just to get some more in.

I didn’t drink as much water today. Gonna top out just over 75oz. Not close to 100, but not terrible. 

One more than two.

It’s been a very long, albeit very good day. And I am so exhausted. So quickness and then sleep.

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1285 calories 17 fiber

And today is the first day of week three, so there is a weigh in update too.

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3.8 lb loss

That’s a 10 pound loss in two weeks. Progress continues to feel productive. I hope in weeks and months to come that the time spent continues to feel productive.

Goodnight lovies.

Eight little things.

I have this random piercing pain on my right side. I think it’s probably my ovary, but I dunno.

I think the little boy maybe doesn’t do well with dairy. He has been so cranky and crabby. So starting today I stopped with the dairy except for Kerrygold and heavy whipping cream. So far it seems to suit him better.

I made bone broth with chicken feet. It’s really fucking gross.

Today I took a hot shower. Halfway through, the hotness I am always craving just wasn’t comfortable, so I lowered it and the cool water felt better. I used to be like that all the time with showers–loving the coolness–but when I stopped eating clean, hot showers couldn’t get hot enough.

On the contrary, before I started eating clean back in 2010, I was always hot. Eating clean I was always freezing cold. The last year or so I’ve been not as frigid, now I’m so damn cold all the time again.

I decided today that I’m going to eat a banana each day. My poo was just a little too irregular. Today I had one and a half. It made my carbs high. 40ish, I think.

I’ve been having leg pain the last couple days. The right side. Hip to toes. It started as this ache just above my ankle bone. I’ve taken one motrin a day to take the edge off. It’s excruciating.

And now my favorite of the eight. Today was weight check day.

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6.4 lbs lost!!!!!

I’m excited to see scale movement. I haven’t been below 200 pounds since August or September. And after an entire month of whole30, I only lost a few pounds. So this feels like the start of something really great.

Also, I got to update myfitnesspal and their graph image makes it look like I lost hundreds of pounds. Haha. It was good for some amusement.

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Cliff dropping loss! Hahah.

Now onto the macros. Despite screenshotting the picture before I started typing this and having everything updated and perfect, I just went back to make sure I remembered my calories correctly and now the numbers are all different. Super weird. I can’t find anything off tho. So…I dunno. The new numbers are below.

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1628 calories 10 fiber

The numbers are decent. I won’t/can’t/choose not to sweat it.

But now sleep. Because I’m so damn tired.