On to the next.

I wanted food all day today. I don’t really know what that was about. It was a sort of boredom. In part with something insatiable. In part with some actual hunger. I dunno. It was strange.

I weighed myself this morning. Sunday. The scale was even more wonky than normal. I couldn’t get an accurate read on it. Eventually I just took the last set of reads.

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I bought a new scale today so I don’t have to deal with the aggravation again. For now I’m down two pounds, after a gain and then nothing for two weeks. And a week of 1600 calories or fewer.

That’s almost 12 pounds in just over a month. It’s nothing to laugh at. It’s good numbers technically. But even still there’s a sense of disappointment. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not giving up or veering from the path. But still. I feel feelings about it.

Foodwise today, I worked really hard to not backpedal my progress. Mentally, more than physically. I just want to stay aware, even when I can’t quite be present.

I went over in calories today. That’s okay. I ate when I wasn’t hungry. That’s okay. I made muffins I didn’t love. That’s okay too. Chris loved them. It wasn’t a great day. But it was a good day. Filled with some tough navigational moments. I’m good with that.

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1705 calories 23 fiber

The goings on.

Last night I felt so amazing. And that amazingness caused a lack of tired. So I didn’t go to sleep til after midnight, which I was thinking would be fine because my little one would let me sleep til 8ish probably.

But no. He was up most of the night and my nipples feel like razor blades and I wonder what I ate that he didn’t like and worry that I didn’t eat enough. And I remember this happening back in September when I tried to do the Whole30 when he was just two months old. But I was hoping this would be less everything because he’s six months old now.

And it could have been a one time thing. Or a broccoli thing. But it still feels a bit discouraging. So from now on I’ll go back to limiting cruciferous vegetables and I’ll up my calories, even tho I’m rarely hungry for much above 1200 when I eat this way. And I’ll be more gentle with myself and with the babe. This doesn’t stop my journey or even pause it. It merely tweaks it.

I’m gonna go sleep for a half hour while he’s sleeping…before the big munchkins wake up and need me to be motherly.