Pure intention juxtaposed.

Today is gonna be my last day of posting daily accountability pictures. If the need arises, I won’t hesitate, but I feel good about this decision. I finally embraced my need for pictures and stopped apologizing for it and feeling lame. That’s a good indicator by my account that it’s no longer needed.

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Despite being “stuck” at home this morning with no car, food wasn’t really on my radar. L and I played a bunch and listened to Tool and Rent, and I didn’t think to make lunch until after noon.

And I’m very excited that I have Aleppo pepper back in my arsenal of spices. Because I like the dichotomy of sweet and spicy, I used the blueberry sausage today instead of the other savory kinds.

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Here is a picture of L wanting to get in on the picture action. At first he just wanted to play with his cowboys, but then he tried to steal my craisins.

And for the most exciting part of the day!….

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Sweet little woolly bear caterpillar. Jack (the dog) tried to eat him. I got to him I  time, which is more than I can say for the baby rabbit a month ago and the mouse a couple weeks ago. So yay! I’ll relocate him tomorrow.

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I climb higher and higher.

Today was such a great day, start to finish. That’s not to say every moment was perfect. They certainly weren’t. I just navigated the day with such ease. I am so so grateful for the calm and collected, the detached without being unattached, and the ability to recognize safe boundaries.

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I had some of my holiday apple today and was amused to find it was just okay. The crisp on it tho can’t be beat.

Oh! And I tried new sausage. Hatch chile. It wasn’t the least bit spicy, but it had the most intricate flavor. I’ve never eaten anything like it before.

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Everyone else had Chipotle for dinner, which didn’t sound good at all. Salad sounded good. I got some black forest ham today, which has beautifully edible ingredients, and tomatoes and avocado. Perfect salad fixings. I also had a tablespoon of almond butter and a banana. But not together.

Forget how long it’s been.

Today was an experiment in unroutine. We went to the orchard at an inbetween time for eating, so I chose to eat early. I didn’t want to wait, and then have apples be the first thing I ate. But I also wanted to be able to go to the orchard and try all the new apples with my family. So I ate an hour or two early, replacing mealtime apples with carrots.

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At the orchard, we tried the apple cider, a half dozen different apples and some local honey. It was really cool that we got to experience that altogether. I don’t usually have the luxury of taste testing with them. It really meant a lot to me.

During the corn maze, I munched on a small McCoun apple. As a reward for completing the maze, I got a free apple and I chose not to eat it on the ride home because I wasn’t hungry.

Dinner was strange fare.

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I only ate 2/3 of my meat and spaghetti sauce, and ended up just licking the almond butter off the apples and threw the rest away. I ate my salad. Tomorrow is another day.

No dead end in sight.

I spent a lot of time cleaning today. I’m so drained from the week and still in a fair amount of pain. I just didn’t have the emotional energy to think about my feelings, nor endure the physical pain, seeing as how I popped ibuprofen more than once or twice today. Distraction was second best. And it’s good to fill my days with non-food related things. That’s essentially what I’m trying for anyway. My days *should* be about all the everything else. So, win win.

I even only mention it here in that “go me” sort of way because I’m practicing this til it feels second nature. Til I don’t even think to mention it.

Accountability.

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Verses in my head.

And back to the business of accountability. It’s always about keeping me safe. One day I won’t have to post it every day. One day I won’t feel the need to practically apologize every day for that being a need.

One two buckle my shoe.

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Three four shut the door.

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Again with the craptastic lighting and dull color. Dinner was beef stew. This might be the first time ever I had the perfect serving. That’s no easy feat. And also a salad because salad is delicious. A salad with hemp oil, no less.

All of this practice feels good. Practice, not perfection. I’m not quite feeling it all tonight tho. The perfection wants its voice heard. But, whatever, perfection. I have other plans.

A softer answer to the questions that lie in your path.

I’m in a strange inbetween place right now. I still want the accountability, yet I don’t want to make it about food. I haven’t decided how exactly to honor both yet.

This evening marks a week since I made the decision to heal my body. What a difference a week makes…

It simultaneously feels brand new and old news. It’ll feel less like it’ll slip through my hands when it *is* old news. I like the idea of enough time passing that I can nostalgically look back on the old, unhealthy food relationship, but not quite be able to remember it all the way. The blurred memory of what used to be. I look forward to that kind of time passed.

Today, there’s accountability.

Meal 1

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Meal 2

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I’m pretty sure this post is only here to illustrate the quality difference between sunlight and artificial light. Good lord.

Anyway. Dinner was (luckily not just a crazy dull picture of) seared salmon and wasabi, and then lots of vegetables with the miracle rice. I think when all is said and done, I’ll have used that one package of rice for four meals. Decent.

I had a really nice day today. I’m not sure what caused it to be so nice, or if it was anything at all. But I feel content today.