I had such a perfect day. The baby woke up at 5am. And it was one of the few and far days where Chris slept in (til 6:30). Then the babe and I went back to sleep. Eventually we were all up again and even eventualier after that, we went shopping for shoes and new workout threads and random householdiness. And crickets for the beardrd dragon.
Dinner was this perfectly cooked steak. So damn good.
Today was Family Day! We’ve been talking about everyone taking off of work and school for over a year now, but never managed to execute it. When we moved into the house we said we’d do it once a month. That didn’t much work. But we’re in a better place to commit to it now. That feels amazingly good.
Today was fun. I made good food choices, although a few were spontaneous and maybe not the best choices, but they were *my* choices and I feel good about that.
There was something I was going to write about today. I’ve been trying to remember what it was for the past hour. I’m still at a loss. So, macros and bed instead, I suppose.
1424 calories 12 fiber
Whenever my carbs are up, it’s because I had some banana.
Oh! I made a fat head pizza tonight for my husband. I wasn’t going to have any. But then damnit. It had me in its grasp. So I decided on one piece and even told my husband that I didn’t want more than that and to remind me I don’t want any if I try to do otherwise.
But even with just one piece of pizza, I got all bloated and…I dunno. My tummy was hard and thick feeling. So…just no more pizza for me. And that’s alright. Chris confided too that fat head pizza isn’t a good idea for him either because it’s so triggering. I don’t want it to be triggering for him either, but truth be told, the safety in numbers feels nice.
I can’t express how much it means to me to be able to do this with Chris. I’ve always done it on my own. And I can do it. But, fuck, I am so thankful to not be alone this time.
Today is my favorite day! I love today! And even when this morning kept trying to knock me down and nothing went as I expected and the dog almost broke my front teeth and then spilled coffee all over my face and my clothes and my daughter’s bed–even after that–I was like “Pffft. Not on my special day!” Heh.
I love today.
This year today I love that my pants are allllllmost too big on me. I can easily pull them down without unbuttoning them and I keep having to pull them up. I’m pretty sure they won’t fall down completely on their own, but if the last couple days are any indication, I don’t have more than a week left with them. Which kinda sucks cause they fall perfectly on my hips without hurting my ribs, pelvis or belly button. But there are worse things.
Today was a tricky food day. I kept wanting to eat too often. I mean. I didn’t want to. But I did. It kept coming back to me. And I kept watching my calories dwindle away today and I was afraid I wouldn’t have enough for a special birthday dinner and I didn’t want to eat to my calories, but I also didn’t want to restrict either.
At like 4:30 I only had 700 calories left and I didn’t knew what the plan was. And the 700 I had, was really 500 because I’m shooting for 1600 now and haven’t changed it.
And then my daughter was so excited and wanted to make me some kind of surprise treat and I was like fuck. Because I don’t want to rob her, but also I don’t want to do something at my own expense either. Well, she ended up making me a keto cupcake. It was 90 second bread, but she accidentally used three tablespoons of coconut flour instead of almond. It was interesting! I had a little less than half and it was *almost* triggering, but didn’t trigger me. Then I made some dinner. Simple. And that feels a whole hell of a lot better than eating too much. I did have some lettuce too. I feel comfortable using lettuce this way. As a sort of barometer.
There are no appropriate words to properly describe my elation when, at the end of eating, I came to see that I was under 1500 calories today. I’m amazing! I did an amazing job! My choices were amazing!! And now I get to fall asleep in my contentment.
Ahh February. Hello darling. It’s so nice of you to visit.
I love February. I love that I love February. I didn’t always. Now it’s just this really good reminder of being alive and living and appreciating life.
I felt really great when I woke up this morning. I felt thinner. I felt like–had I weighed myself–I would have had that whoosh people talk about. I didn’t weigh myself tho. I can’t give into thoughts like that. They’d haunt me and I’d have to fight them off. It was out of my head almost as quickly as it came in. That’s usually the way of thoughts that aren’t entertained.
But, so I felt thinner today. And maybe it was because my calories were lower yesterday. So I decided I’d be super vigilant of my calories today. I tried to not eat between meals too. I was mostly decently successful. Calories were under 1600. I was sorta thinking for a minute there to fuck it and eat something more. But really that’s not what I wanted. So I had some lettuce with salt and it was a reminder that I didn’t need/want food, without it really counting for anything. And it’s also been a good vehicle for salt recently, since I’m back to drinking more water.
1561 calories 14 fiber
I want to do something fun tomorrow. Our temperature is supposed to dip down to 20° though and, well, gosh, that’s just too cold for outdoor exploring. I want to do specialness all day tho. Suggestions are welcome.
Ahh, day 31. In just a couple short hours, February will be upon us. The month blinked by. Except for the days that snailed.
I feel good about the month. I feel good that I stuck with it. I feel good that I stayed keto, but didn’t tear myself up if I didn’t stay within calories for losing weight. The nursing comes first and this month was just an experiment to make sure keto was compatible with keeping my supply at a good level. I’m happy to say I’m happy with the results. The only days my supply seemed to dip is when I didn’t drink enough water.
I didn’t lose weight like I would have hoped. But 10 pounds is nothing to shrug off either. It’s weight I would otherwise still be carrying. Only 10 pounds means I could still safelt feed my baby. Priorities.
For February, my goal is to keep my calories closer to 1500. And water. And meals instead of grazing.
Our bed was full last night. Usually it’s pretty full with me, my husband and the baby. Sometimes the dog. Last night we had two dogs. And a 9 year old boy. Ooof.
The 9 year old slept flush against the left side of my left leg. With his head on my thigh. The dog slept against the same leg on the opposite side with his head on my shin. It was a long night.
It was also a long day. Day three of the babe not much napping. The extra dog we were watching (and hoping to adopt) wouldn’t stop growling and barking at our bearded dragon. And our dog wouldn’t stop forcing himself on the girl dog.
I made the house safe this morning by putting the chocolate chips in my daughter’s backpack. She was none the wiser and I was safe from trigger foods. And I feel good about the gaps of downtime between means. Still tho I ate over 2,000 calories today and that’s not going to get me where I want.
I started the skeleton for this post like two hours ago. Uploaded pictures. Captions. Categories. Tags. And then I just didn’t feel like writing. My little one has been so amazingly asleep since 7:45pm, and that would have been great sleep for me. Hell, being asleep now would be great sleep for me. But instead, here I am awake.
I feel a heavy obligation to write something of substance tonight, yet substance eludes me.
I ate a lot of food today. Well, a lot of calories. My daughter asked me to show her again how to make 90 second bread. I was so excited to share with her. But then it became more and more obvious she was intending on making this for me. Eventually she came in with this chocolate covered almond 90 second bread. It was delicious, but not what I had intended on or expected for macros. But god, her sweet face. And I don’t even care.
Also, I weighed myself today. No change from last weekend.
Same as last week, plus a dog.
I’ve had some nsv. More patience. Functioning better even on little sleep. My feet haven’t hurt as much, tho they still hurt.
This week I’m going to focus on more vegetables when I’m hungry. The fat does me good and then I don’t have to worry about spiking protein. Also, I need to nix chocolate chips. I finished the almond butter last week and can never get it again. No sense keeping triggering foods around the house.
Macros are decent. Just excessive.
1865 calories 23 fiber
Alright. I’m passing out. Perhaps tomorrow will be the day I write substance.