I was just in the kitchen for almost an hour. Taking meat off a chicken soup chicken. And then putting together lunch for my husband tomorrow. And I kept thinking, “I could eat any of this.” But none of it was appetizing. Because I’m just not hungry right now.
That’s huge. For anyone who knows what it’s like to have a binge eating disorder, you know hunger is not a usual factor in the decision making process.
Glennon Doyle Melton has a theory. She comes from an addiction background too. She says when you’re having thoughts, that’s always the addiction talking to you. If you just feel it and there is no talk, that’s God. (Or your higher power or whatever you call it.) But it’s not the disease. The disease is a talker.
And that’s what it felt like in the kitchen. It felt like not the disease. It felt so unbelievably good to have the quiet. I will revel in that for as long as I possibly can.
I’m about halfway through my Whole30 and this is what today feels like:
I got this.
“This” doesn’t look any particular way, except compliant.
One day compliant can feel like more starches, while another day compliant means mindfulness needs to take a backseat.
Every day is about forgiveness and moving on.
With a newborn, it’s okay that sometimes coffee is a substitute for sleep. But not two days in a row.
I couldn’t do this without support.